Anyway, years and years ago something happened to me that people find absolutely hilarious so I promised my friend Tim that I would post about it. This is also a favorite story of Casey's so she'll be glad to see it here, I'm sure.
When I first met my husband I worked at a shoe store. It wasn't just a shoe store, it was a comfort shoe store in a mall. Nothing like dealing all day with elderly people with bunions and plantar fasciitis. Fun stuff.
My husband-to-be worked across the street and would come to hang out with me because it could be an awfully boring job.
Well, one day a man came in. He was probably 40 or 45. (Keep in mind I was 21 at the time.) I don't remember much about him other than that he was very tall and had close cropped brown hair. I can't even remember his name.
It became clear very quickly that he wasn't there to shop, but to talk to me. This was at the beginning of the Iraq war and he was telling me that he was moving to Saudi Arabia to do some kind of oil security. He talked for a very long time. The way this job was set up was that we were often alone in the store and I had nowhere to escape to. Very soon he began telling me that I could go with him. He said he was going to make a lot of money and he knew that it was a dangerous place but that he would keep me safe. I laughed uncomfortably and said no. He went on and on. For another 20 minutes or so. Finally, a coworker came in and I escaped through the exit in the back, thinking this would be the end.
Unfortunately, it just got worse from there.
He would come in all the time. Husband-to-be was there sometimes and he thought it was hilarious.
If I saw the guy coming and I had someone else working with me, I would hide. More than once I followed him around the mall, watching him while he was looking for me, having been told I was on lunch.
It was really creepy. And sometimes I couldn't escape.
Everyone I worked with thought the whole thing was very funny as well.
He continued to come in and he began telling me that he loved me and he wanted to marry me and that he had a ring for me and everything. He kept saying that the time for him to leave was approaching and I needed to make a decision. I kept telling him my decision was absolutely not. Finally he told me that he was leaving in a few days and that the next day he was going to bring me the ring.
My thought? Yeah, right.
But the next day, there he was. Not only did he have a ring but he also had an appraisal certificate telling me how much the ring was worth. It was worth a lot. He kept telling me the ring was custom made. But the second best part? (The best part comes in a minute.) The certificate had some woman's name on it!!! When I questioned this he said it was his ex-fiance but it was okay because he wanted to marry me.
Then the time comes to see the ring..... (This is the best part.)
The ring is this huge, gaudy diamond (I don't even like diamonds), with this huge gold band. And the band? It's carved into......
Wait for it.......
Two naked people, a man and a woman, bending backwards, holding the diamond.
Oh. My. God.
Seriously. Talk about creepy. I wish, oh how do I wish, that I had pictures of this ring.
Everything after seeing the ring is blocked out of my memory. I told him no and somehow got him to leave but I really don't know how. And I never saw him again. Thank god.
So that's that. My life is like a movie. And every time I bring this guy up my husband still thinks it's hilarious.
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