I have become that person

Yep. That person who is obsessed with Twitter.



I hated Twitter when it came out. I thought it was ridiculous.

But my dear friend Evelyn is on it and almost everything she says is genius so I had to read it.

And when I read it I had to reply.

And then I realized what a genius I am as well! I'm so astute and/or hilariously funny in 140 characters!

AND the best part is, authors I really admire converse with me. With ME!!! In what other world would that happen?

But the problem is I'm now obsessed with it. I always want to see if someone favorites a tweet or retweets one of my brilliant observations.

Most of the time they have not.

It's interrupting my reading and television watching.

I need rehab.

My life is a movie

People tell me all the time my life is like a movie. I don't know. To me, it's just my life. But apparently things happen to me that don't happen to most people. Maybe I just get out more? I don't know.

Anyway, years and years ago something happened to me that people find absolutely hilarious so I promised my friend Tim that I would post about it. This is also a favorite story of Casey's so she'll be glad to see it here, I'm sure.

When I first met my husband I worked at a shoe store. It wasn't just a shoe store, it was a comfort shoe store in a mall. Nothing like dealing all day with elderly people with bunions and plantar fasciitis. Fun stuff.

My husband-to-be worked across the street and would come to hang out with me because it could be an awfully boring job.

Well, one day a man came in. He was probably 40 or 45. (Keep in mind I was 21 at the time.) I don't remember much about him other than that he was very tall and had close cropped brown hair. I can't even remember his name.

It became clear very quickly that he wasn't there to shop, but to talk to me. This was at the beginning of the Iraq war and he was telling me that he was moving to Saudi Arabia to do some kind of oil security. He talked for a very long time. The way this job was set up was that we were often alone in the store and I had nowhere to escape to. Very soon he began telling me that I could go with him. He said he was going to make a lot of money and he knew that it was a dangerous place but that he would keep me safe. I laughed uncomfortably and said no. He went on and on. For another 20 minutes or so. Finally, a coworker came in and I escaped through the exit in the back, thinking this would be the end.

Unfortunately, it just got worse from there.

He would come in all the time. Husband-to-be was there sometimes and he thought it was hilarious.

If I saw the guy coming and I had someone else working with me, I would hide. More than once I followed him around the mall, watching him while he was looking for me, having been told I was on lunch.

It was really creepy. And sometimes I couldn't escape.

Everyone I worked with thought the whole thing was very funny as well.

He continued to come in and he began telling me that he loved me and he wanted to marry me and that he had a ring for me and everything. He kept saying that the time for him to leave was approaching and I needed to make a decision. I kept telling him my decision was absolutely not. Finally he told me that he was leaving in a few days and that the next day he was going to bring me the ring.

My thought? Yeah, right.

But the next day, there he was. Not only did he have a ring but he also had an appraisal certificate telling me how much the ring was worth. It was worth a lot. He kept telling me the ring was custom made. But the second best part? (The best part comes in a minute.) The certificate had some woman's name on it!!! When I questioned this he said it was his ex-fiance but it was okay because he wanted to marry me.

Then the time comes to see the ring..... (This is the best part.)

The ring is this huge, gaudy diamond (I don't even like diamonds), with this huge gold band. And the band? It's carved into......

Wait for it.......

Two naked people, a man and a woman, bending backwards, holding the diamond.

Oh. My. God.

Seriously. Talk about creepy. I wish, oh how do I wish, that I had pictures of this ring.

Everything after seeing the ring is blocked out of my memory. I told him no and somehow got him to leave but I really don't know how. And I never saw him again. Thank god.

So that's that. My life is like a movie. And every time I bring this guy up my husband still thinks it's hilarious.

Pooping at work (a delicate subject)

So. We have come to this in our blogging relationship.

I don't like talking about poop. I really don't. But I have had this private conversation with a few friends and they think it should be out in the public so here we go.

The way the bathrooms are set up at my work is like this:

There are four bathrooms, two on either side of the office. Two face a wall and two face offices. One of those offices is mine.

There are two people at my work who come in every morning and poop. One is a guy, one is a girl. (This doesn't really matter except for story differentiation later.) Normally they do this in the bathrooms that face the wall so it's a nice, private affair.

Well, two days ago the guy clogged the toilet. But apparently he clogged it so badly it wrecked BOTH toilets on that side.

I couldn't understand how that could happen. Well, we haven't had a toilet on that side for two days so now I understand because they all come to my side.

This morning the girl uses the restroom She flushed FOUR times. FOUR.

Then, a few minutes later, the guy comes and flushes FIVE.

Okay people. Come on. If you have to flush that many times you shouldn't be pooping in a public place.

My friend, Evelyn, says (as I was texting her to complain about it, and I quote), "Um. LOL. What are they supposed to do??"

I see her point. If you gotta go, well, you gotta go.

But here's the thing - they both do this EVERY morning, mere minutes after they get to work. And they both live close. So, they KNOW this is going to happen. Why don't they just go at home?

Do they ENJOY pooping at work? Are they AFRAID to poop at home?

And really, who feels so comfortable pooping at work that they can flush NINE times total? It's crazy.

And, to make matters worse, the clogged bathrooms are emitting a putrid stench that has been enjoyed by the people on the other side of the office for two days now. (I am so glad it's not my side. I wouldn't come to work.)

So here's the deal - poop at home if you can. It's just respectful.

Nine Ways Paper Books Are Better Than E-Books

So, my dear friend, The Cheeky Ginger, has been all over town posting this:

9 Ways Ebooks Are Better Than Paper Books

Here's the link if you'd care to read her thoughts on the matter:

http://cheekyginger.com/9-ways-ebooks-are-better-than-paper-books/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+TheCheekyGinger+%28The+Cheeky+Ginger%29

I'm not sure why you'd want to, though, because, well....she's just wrong, even though she does state very quietly at the end that paper books do have advantages.

Well, folks, here they are.

Nine Ways Paper Books Are Better Than E-Books

1. You don't have to wait to turn them on. Sometimes you are just waiting around. For a phone call, a commercial to be over, the doctor to call you into his office. These are the perfect times to open a book. If you have a paper book you can quickly get to your spot and read a bit. If you have an e-book you have to wait until it turns on, cutting down on valuable reading time.

2. You don't have to turn your paper book off on a plane. Planes are a fantastic time for reading. Especially for that horrible amount of time you have to wait to take off and land. What's better to fill that time than reading. But you CAN'T if you have an e-book.

3. You don't have to charge a paper book. I often walk around with books. How can I do that while it's charging? Charging takes valuable time. And it keeps you stuck in one place. What if you're in the middle of something really good and you have to charge? No thanks. On another note (which really should have it's own category but I have so many reasons I have to condense to make nine), when traveling to foreign countries you may not be able to charge your e-book. You have to get an adapter and hope it works. I took my Kindle to London thinking it would be so great to travel. I purchased a very expensive adapter. I plugged in my $300 flat iron. It exploded. So I didn't dare plug in my Kindle. So the first thing I had to do in London was find a book. Annoying.

4. Book covers. Book covers can be gorgeous works of art. You can use them to decorate. How can you decorate with a bunch of files?

5. Book stores. Book stores are amazing places. You can judge books by their cover, pick them up and do a quick perusal of the contents, and potentially find the book of your dreams. Also, please see reason number 6 below. The smell is amazing. You can encounter books, magazines, even toys. You can often get coffee. It's a reason to get out of the house. It's social. You talk to people.

6. Variety. I am keeping this separate from number 5 because I think it's very important. Browsing virtual book stores is very overwhelming. And often they will give you suggestions based on past purchases. But if you do that you may not find something special, something different, something that caught your attention at a book store. And that special thing may be your new favorite book.

7. There's a lot of self-published crap in e-books. Don't get me wrong. I'm all for self-publishing if you want. But the fact that it's SO much easier to self-publish due to e-books means that there's a whole lot more crap to wade through. I don't want to wade through that much crap.

8. You can pass on books to others. If there's a book you treasure you can pass it on. It's like giving someone a gift. And they can wade through the pages like you did, getting immersed in it. It's a physical connection.

9. Paper books create jobs and are better for the economy. It takes a lot to make a books. Just in the manufacturing alone you have people who have to do the layout, make the paper, create the cover, print the book, bind the book, set up the machines to do all of the above, pack the books, ship the books. Then you have all of the book store jobs, all of the publishing jobs. That's a lot of jobs. Books are good for the economy.

So there you have it. Books will always, always be better than e-books. (And if you don't buy them you are destroying the economy and you hate America. So there.)

The Refrigerator Fiasco

So, I have a very reluctant landlord. He bought the apartment building during the housing boom in the hopes to turn it around and sell it. Months later, the market crashed.

This makes my life very inconvenient.

Well, the refrigerator the apartment came with must be from the 1980's. There was a huge gash down the side. And the most charming part? Every few months the smell of death would emanate from it.

The smell was so bad the last time that I wanted to get a hotel room.



We have complained about this multiple times.

FINALLY, a handyman and employee of said landlord happened to be there during a big stink and quickly recommended that he get us a new one. While he was trying not to gag.

So, of course (three months later) we get a new (well, used) refrigerator.

I am told four hours before the fridge is coming. I have to rush home and remove all of my food and my wonderful magnet collection from the refrigerator. I do so.

The new refrigerator comes. 45 minutes late while my food is melting in the sink.

My super wise, thorough landlord doesn't think to measure to make sure the old one can come out. It can't without some serious movement of the stove.

Oh, did I mention that he's not there for this? He comes in, meets the guy for about 18 seconds, then takes off and tells me to call if I need anything.

So, the guy has to move the stove. Which means he has to move everything in the dining room. While I sit there, trying not to stare.

Old fridge out, new (well used) fridge in. Guy gets it all placed. I look up.....

And immediately notice a big problem.

Super smart landlord didn't think to check the door placement. So now I have 50 pounds of melting food, a stove in my dining room, and a fridge that doesn't open. I also realize it's the loudest refrigerator in the world.

Rad.

My dear friend Evelyn thinks this is hilarious.

My quote to her? "I'm having a beer. Might as well. It can't go back in the fridge."

Gotta love my landlord.