People need to calm down

I feel like every year people are getting more offended about everything.

Well, let me tell you, I despise Halloween costumes. I live in LA. That makes Halloween "Dress-up-like-a-you-know-what Day." I'm not into it.

But this is taking things too far.

http://www.ivillage.com/offensive-halloween-costume-ideas-make-us-sad-humanity/4-a-549046?obref=obinsite

WHAT? You can't dress like a nun? An old lady? A mental patient?



Come on. Not everything causes deep, debilitating stigmatization. Let people have a little fun.

People cannot take themselves so seriously. If they do, this is what will happen:


Kid: Mom, I want to be a doctor for Halloween.

Mom: No honey, that's stigmatizing doctors.

Kid: Well then, I want to be a chicken for Halloween.

Mom: No honey, that's stigmatizing chickens.

Kid: Princess?

Mom: No honey. Why don't you just stay home and pick up carpet lint this Halloween?


No thank you.

Why am I not an inventor?

So, I don't love plugging things because I feel like that's free advertising, and I feel like I should get something for my advertising. But when I truly love something, I let it be known.
 
I was at the beauty supply store today. Because I have a cosmetology license I get to go to the super special supply store, which can also be known as heaven.
 
As I was checking out I saw this funny little contraption on a table next to the register.


What was this funny thing? I had to ask because those of you who know me know I need to know everything.

I am told it curls your hair. What?

It doesn't just curl your hair - it's a miracurl!! (Okay, corny, I know, but it's called a Miracurl.)

You put a piece of your hair in and it sucks the whole thing up and makes perfect curls. I'm not getting further into it than that but you really should check it out. It's the most amazing thing ever.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knCcKILG97w&feature=player_detailpage

I was so fascinated that I ignored my germaphobia to try to curl multiple sections of my hair. And it worked!

Man, I wish I was that smart.

What the heck happened?

I'm going camping. I love camping. I can't wait. And I'm going with a bunch of friends, which just makes the whole thing even better.

But what the heck happened?

I book the reservation and pay. Cha-ching!

But, I schedule the camping weekend on the same weekend my father is coming in from out of state. So I reschedule. There's a fee. Cha-ching!

Then my husband and I decide that we need to take a trip to a huge camping store very far away to buy stuff. Because you need stuff when camping. More stuff. This hasn't happened yet, but it will. Future cha-ching!

While on the phone booking the reservation, the very nice girl tells me that it's going to be hot. Very hot. So I know I'm going to need to be swimming in the river. Now, hubby and I were already planning on joining a gym but now we decide we're going to join a gym the very same day we book the trip. Cha-ching!

So, with my sign-up, I get a session with a trainer. Trainer tells me my body fat percentage (gasp) and how long the average person takes to reach my goal (what??). So, of course, I sign up for a personal trainer, because if I could do it on my own I WOULD have, dammit. So I've signed up. As has hubby. For a year. Cha-ching! (HUGE cha-ching, in fact.)

And, I'm going to need a new bathing suit. Future cha-ching!

This might be the single most expensive camping trip in the history of the world.

I have become that person

Yep. That person who is obsessed with Twitter.



I hated Twitter when it came out. I thought it was ridiculous.

But my dear friend Evelyn is on it and almost everything she says is genius so I had to read it.

And when I read it I had to reply.

And then I realized what a genius I am as well! I'm so astute and/or hilariously funny in 140 characters!

AND the best part is, authors I really admire converse with me. With ME!!! In what other world would that happen?

But the problem is I'm now obsessed with it. I always want to see if someone favorites a tweet or retweets one of my brilliant observations.

Most of the time they have not.

It's interrupting my reading and television watching.

I need rehab.

My life is a movie

People tell me all the time my life is like a movie. I don't know. To me, it's just my life. But apparently things happen to me that don't happen to most people. Maybe I just get out more? I don't know.

Anyway, years and years ago something happened to me that people find absolutely hilarious so I promised my friend Tim that I would post about it. This is also a favorite story of Casey's so she'll be glad to see it here, I'm sure.

When I first met my husband I worked at a shoe store. It wasn't just a shoe store, it was a comfort shoe store in a mall. Nothing like dealing all day with elderly people with bunions and plantar fasciitis. Fun stuff.

My husband-to-be worked across the street and would come to hang out with me because it could be an awfully boring job.

Well, one day a man came in. He was probably 40 or 45. (Keep in mind I was 21 at the time.) I don't remember much about him other than that he was very tall and had close cropped brown hair. I can't even remember his name.

It became clear very quickly that he wasn't there to shop, but to talk to me. This was at the beginning of the Iraq war and he was telling me that he was moving to Saudi Arabia to do some kind of oil security. He talked for a very long time. The way this job was set up was that we were often alone in the store and I had nowhere to escape to. Very soon he began telling me that I could go with him. He said he was going to make a lot of money and he knew that it was a dangerous place but that he would keep me safe. I laughed uncomfortably and said no. He went on and on. For another 20 minutes or so. Finally, a coworker came in and I escaped through the exit in the back, thinking this would be the end.

Unfortunately, it just got worse from there.

He would come in all the time. Husband-to-be was there sometimes and he thought it was hilarious.

If I saw the guy coming and I had someone else working with me, I would hide. More than once I followed him around the mall, watching him while he was looking for me, having been told I was on lunch.

It was really creepy. And sometimes I couldn't escape.

Everyone I worked with thought the whole thing was very funny as well.

He continued to come in and he began telling me that he loved me and he wanted to marry me and that he had a ring for me and everything. He kept saying that the time for him to leave was approaching and I needed to make a decision. I kept telling him my decision was absolutely not. Finally he told me that he was leaving in a few days and that the next day he was going to bring me the ring.

My thought? Yeah, right.

But the next day, there he was. Not only did he have a ring but he also had an appraisal certificate telling me how much the ring was worth. It was worth a lot. He kept telling me the ring was custom made. But the second best part? (The best part comes in a minute.) The certificate had some woman's name on it!!! When I questioned this he said it was his ex-fiance but it was okay because he wanted to marry me.

Then the time comes to see the ring..... (This is the best part.)

The ring is this huge, gaudy diamond (I don't even like diamonds), with this huge gold band. And the band? It's carved into......

Wait for it.......

Two naked people, a man and a woman, bending backwards, holding the diamond.

Oh. My. God.

Seriously. Talk about creepy. I wish, oh how do I wish, that I had pictures of this ring.

Everything after seeing the ring is blocked out of my memory. I told him no and somehow got him to leave but I really don't know how. And I never saw him again. Thank god.

So that's that. My life is like a movie. And every time I bring this guy up my husband still thinks it's hilarious.

Pooping at work (a delicate subject)

So. We have come to this in our blogging relationship.

I don't like talking about poop. I really don't. But I have had this private conversation with a few friends and they think it should be out in the public so here we go.

The way the bathrooms are set up at my work is like this:

There are four bathrooms, two on either side of the office. Two face a wall and two face offices. One of those offices is mine.

There are two people at my work who come in every morning and poop. One is a guy, one is a girl. (This doesn't really matter except for story differentiation later.) Normally they do this in the bathrooms that face the wall so it's a nice, private affair.

Well, two days ago the guy clogged the toilet. But apparently he clogged it so badly it wrecked BOTH toilets on that side.

I couldn't understand how that could happen. Well, we haven't had a toilet on that side for two days so now I understand because they all come to my side.

This morning the girl uses the restroom She flushed FOUR times. FOUR.

Then, a few minutes later, the guy comes and flushes FIVE.

Okay people. Come on. If you have to flush that many times you shouldn't be pooping in a public place.

My friend, Evelyn, says (as I was texting her to complain about it, and I quote), "Um. LOL. What are they supposed to do??"

I see her point. If you gotta go, well, you gotta go.

But here's the thing - they both do this EVERY morning, mere minutes after they get to work. And they both live close. So, they KNOW this is going to happen. Why don't they just go at home?

Do they ENJOY pooping at work? Are they AFRAID to poop at home?

And really, who feels so comfortable pooping at work that they can flush NINE times total? It's crazy.

And, to make matters worse, the clogged bathrooms are emitting a putrid stench that has been enjoyed by the people on the other side of the office for two days now. (I am so glad it's not my side. I wouldn't come to work.)

So here's the deal - poop at home if you can. It's just respectful.

Nine Ways Paper Books Are Better Than E-Books

So, my dear friend, The Cheeky Ginger, has been all over town posting this:

9 Ways Ebooks Are Better Than Paper Books

Here's the link if you'd care to read her thoughts on the matter:

http://cheekyginger.com/9-ways-ebooks-are-better-than-paper-books/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+TheCheekyGinger+%28The+Cheeky+Ginger%29

I'm not sure why you'd want to, though, because, well....she's just wrong, even though she does state very quietly at the end that paper books do have advantages.

Well, folks, here they are.

Nine Ways Paper Books Are Better Than E-Books

1. You don't have to wait to turn them on. Sometimes you are just waiting around. For a phone call, a commercial to be over, the doctor to call you into his office. These are the perfect times to open a book. If you have a paper book you can quickly get to your spot and read a bit. If you have an e-book you have to wait until it turns on, cutting down on valuable reading time.

2. You don't have to turn your paper book off on a plane. Planes are a fantastic time for reading. Especially for that horrible amount of time you have to wait to take off and land. What's better to fill that time than reading. But you CAN'T if you have an e-book.

3. You don't have to charge a paper book. I often walk around with books. How can I do that while it's charging? Charging takes valuable time. And it keeps you stuck in one place. What if you're in the middle of something really good and you have to charge? No thanks. On another note (which really should have it's own category but I have so many reasons I have to condense to make nine), when traveling to foreign countries you may not be able to charge your e-book. You have to get an adapter and hope it works. I took my Kindle to London thinking it would be so great to travel. I purchased a very expensive adapter. I plugged in my $300 flat iron. It exploded. So I didn't dare plug in my Kindle. So the first thing I had to do in London was find a book. Annoying.

4. Book covers. Book covers can be gorgeous works of art. You can use them to decorate. How can you decorate with a bunch of files?

5. Book stores. Book stores are amazing places. You can judge books by their cover, pick them up and do a quick perusal of the contents, and potentially find the book of your dreams. Also, please see reason number 6 below. The smell is amazing. You can encounter books, magazines, even toys. You can often get coffee. It's a reason to get out of the house. It's social. You talk to people.

6. Variety. I am keeping this separate from number 5 because I think it's very important. Browsing virtual book stores is very overwhelming. And often they will give you suggestions based on past purchases. But if you do that you may not find something special, something different, something that caught your attention at a book store. And that special thing may be your new favorite book.

7. There's a lot of self-published crap in e-books. Don't get me wrong. I'm all for self-publishing if you want. But the fact that it's SO much easier to self-publish due to e-books means that there's a whole lot more crap to wade through. I don't want to wade through that much crap.

8. You can pass on books to others. If there's a book you treasure you can pass it on. It's like giving someone a gift. And they can wade through the pages like you did, getting immersed in it. It's a physical connection.

9. Paper books create jobs and are better for the economy. It takes a lot to make a books. Just in the manufacturing alone you have people who have to do the layout, make the paper, create the cover, print the book, bind the book, set up the machines to do all of the above, pack the books, ship the books. Then you have all of the book store jobs, all of the publishing jobs. That's a lot of jobs. Books are good for the economy.

So there you have it. Books will always, always be better than e-books. (And if you don't buy them you are destroying the economy and you hate America. So there.)

The Refrigerator Fiasco

So, I have a very reluctant landlord. He bought the apartment building during the housing boom in the hopes to turn it around and sell it. Months later, the market crashed.

This makes my life very inconvenient.

Well, the refrigerator the apartment came with must be from the 1980's. There was a huge gash down the side. And the most charming part? Every few months the smell of death would emanate from it.

The smell was so bad the last time that I wanted to get a hotel room.



We have complained about this multiple times.

FINALLY, a handyman and employee of said landlord happened to be there during a big stink and quickly recommended that he get us a new one. While he was trying not to gag.

So, of course (three months later) we get a new (well, used) refrigerator.

I am told four hours before the fridge is coming. I have to rush home and remove all of my food and my wonderful magnet collection from the refrigerator. I do so.

The new refrigerator comes. 45 minutes late while my food is melting in the sink.

My super wise, thorough landlord doesn't think to measure to make sure the old one can come out. It can't without some serious movement of the stove.

Oh, did I mention that he's not there for this? He comes in, meets the guy for about 18 seconds, then takes off and tells me to call if I need anything.

So, the guy has to move the stove. Which means he has to move everything in the dining room. While I sit there, trying not to stare.

Old fridge out, new (well used) fridge in. Guy gets it all placed. I look up.....

And immediately notice a big problem.

Super smart landlord didn't think to check the door placement. So now I have 50 pounds of melting food, a stove in my dining room, and a fridge that doesn't open. I also realize it's the loudest refrigerator in the world.

Rad.

My dear friend Evelyn thinks this is hilarious.

My quote to her? "I'm having a beer. Might as well. It can't go back in the fridge."

Gotta love my landlord.

The gay marriage debate

So, the Supreme Court is looking into the issue on gay marriage. While it's looking like they aren't going to do a single thing either way, I am following this topic very closely and here are some of my thoughts.

Gay Americans and African Americans

The gay community is comparing their rights to that of the fight African Americans did for their rights. This morning on NPR I heard a gentleman make a speech about how he was in the same place 50 years ago fighting for his rights, but the fight of the gay American is not the same at all.

Well, sir, how is it not? First, African Americans were treated as second class.

So were gay Americans.

Then African Americans were told they were separate but equal.

Gay Americans aren't even getting that. They are getting separate, and a consolation prize, which to me does not say equal. It says, "There's something about you that makes you different from me so you get something different than I do."

I'm sorry, but we live in American where everyone should be entitled to the same rights and privileges.

Marriage is a protection of the family

I hear this one a lot. The anti-marriage side says that marriage is a protection for children and that children have a right to a mother and father.

Well, I grew up with just a dad, as my parents divorced when I was very young. Should divorce be illegal now? Should I have been taken away the second they got divorced?

When my husband and I got married we had no plans to have children. We didn't even want children. Should it have been illegal for us to get married? Should we have had a "civil union?"

What about widows and widowers with kids? Once their spouse dies should their children get taken away? Or do they get a pass because they tried?

What about single parents who chose to be single parents? Is that going to be illegal next? If someone gets knocked up accidentally do their kids get taken away?

Frankly it just doesn't make much sense. It's like saying, well, kids have a right to mother and a father, but if there is just one parent, as long as that parent is straight, it's okay. There we go with that unequal thing.

I think that a kid has a right to a parent or parents of any sex, gender, or race who will love and take care of that kid.

What's better?
- Two gay men who adopt a child who needs a home. These two men are loving, committed, and great parents. They treat each other and their child with respect and provide that kid with a great home and a great education.
- Two drug addicts who are married but abuse their kid and neglect it. They spend all of their money on drugs and alcohol and forget to feed the child. The child lives in filth and squalor and never goes to school.

Well, I think we all know which life the child should have a "right" to.

What's so magical about a mother and a father? What if the mother is a horrible person? What if the father is? What if one of them beats the kid? Wouldn't two solid, good people in the home that are the same sex be better than two of different sexes with one who is cruel?

And civil unions don't stop gay couples from having kids so the point is pretty much moot anyway. It's so illogical, such a fallacy. They say, we can't call it marriage because marriage protects families - so we'll call them civil unions and they can still have kids but those kids won't be protected federally. WHAT? Come on now, people. How do you not see that this makes no sense?

There's not enough evidence

This is another fun one. There's not enough evidence that gay marriage isn't harmful to children. But there's PLENTY of evidence that straight parents screw up their kids and have since the dawn of time, so let's just move on, shall we? I'm sure all parents are going to screw up their kids. It doesn't really matter what sex they are.

Gay marriage will lead to polygamy

I hear this less often than the others but I do hear it. And my thought is, who cares? Make polygamy okay too. Who are you to say who another person can love?

If a woman wants 67 husbands and they all agree, or a man wants four wives and they all agree, who cares?

Granted, it's not for me. I wouldn't share my husband, children, cats, house (anything really) with another woman but that's my choice. And I'm happy I have that choice. Shouldn't other people have the choice to do what makes them happy?

Frankly, I think eight moms might be better than a latch-key kid, but, hey, there's probably not enough evidence.

Conclusion

The people who are the side of anti-marriage are on the wrong side of history. Their arguments are illogical and inane and I truly don't get it. They need to stop bringing "children" and "family" into it. These ideas are just used to block their bigotry and fear.

And, I'm very frustrated that the Supreme Court seems to think that they don't have a place in this yet. The Court stayed far away from the Civil Rights issue until finally they stood up and did something. Did they learn nothing from that? Did they learn nothing from history?

I'm embarrassed that it's 2013 and we are still having this discussion.

The-Mountain-Three-Short-Sleeve

I'm going to keep this short because you have a lot of reading ahead of you.

This shirt has over 2,000 reviews on Amazon:


Read them. Some of them are very funny.

You're welcome.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Mountain-Three-Short-Sleeve/dp/B000NZW3JS/ref=sr_1_16?ie=UTF8&qid=1363901157&sr=8-16&keywords=the+mountain+wolf+shirt

50 Shades of....Funny

So, again my favorite blogger, the Cheeky Ginger, has posted an incredibly amusing (and well thought out) blog.

This one is about how disgraceful it is that 50 Shades of Grey author, E.L. James, is coming out with a book on writing.

I, too, agree that this is disgraceful and she explains why so much better than I do.....

http://cheekyginger.com/fifty-shades-of-grey-diy/

With subtitles like "Yay, abuse!" how could you not read it?!?

But the one thing she neglects to discuss is even more disgraceful:

The confusion between James' 50 Shades of Grey and the magnificent Shades of Grey by Jasper Fforde.

I propose that if you still haven't read 50 Shades and are thinking about doing so, just get Shades of Grey instead. Tell people you read the horrible 50 Shades, if you simply must be in the cool crowd. Believe me, you'll be much cooler for reading Fforde in lieu of James anyway.

The twisted media

So we all know that the media is twisted and is only interested in one thing - ratings. They'd rather have more readers than they would have news reported correctly.

Here is a perfect, if simple, example:

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/woman-gets-ticket-driving-2-miles-per-hour-211957738.html

The title of this article is:

Woman gets ticket for driving 2 mph under speed limit

But that's very misleading. The woman was ticketed for not getting out of the fast lane. The fast lane is for passing slower traffic. But when you are driving under the speed limit in the fast lane you are causing a traffic hazard.

While the video talks about her failure to move right, the article does not. It repeatedly talks about how she was ticketed for going too slowly, not for actually breaking the law. It even goes on to discuss how AAA is on her side because they are rewarding bad behavior this way.

Come on, news. This isn't a story. The story is that the cop got tired of people not following the rules and did something about it. Bravo, cop!

Squirrel Day!!!

Squirrel Day is my favorite time of year besides Christmas.

What is Squirrel Day, you ask? Well, I will tell you.

I hate Easter. I think it's the dumbest holiday in the entire world.

Well, about a million years ago an old friend of mine took my anger at Easter and turned it into (you guessed it!) Squirrel Day.

Squirrel Day rules are as follows:

1. Find a squirrel present. It can be anything. A key chain, a child's toy, a set of sheets. The only requirement is that it has a squirrel somewhere on it.

2. Find a card with a squirrel on it. It can be anything. A Father's Day card, a birthday card, an invitation. The only requirement is that it has a squirrel somewhere on it.

3. You get bonus points for finding wrapping paper with a squirrel on it. It can't be made. It has to be wrapping paper. Or a bag will work. Some kind of traditional wrapping. So far no one has succeeded at this.

It has been a very long time since I have found people who want to participate in Squirrel Day with me. But this year my husband has agreed. I can't wait!

Last year I had some participants who ended up sucking pretty badly and forgetting all about it. I had gotten everything ready and they blew it. But this year, this year is going to be rad.

So, if you'd like to join in on my Squirrel Day or get advice on how to do your own, just let me know!

I think after this year I might give it its own date. It's big time now.

Happy Squirrel Day!

My weekend thoughts

So, this weekend I met my mom and step-dad in Orange County to dine with my fabulous grandparents. I super duper love my grandparents.

Well, while on this weekend excursion I had a bunch of interesting/fun things happen that I thought I would put here.

#1 - My grandma, the circus animal tamer

My grandma doesn't much love animals. She always threatening to kill my cats. We all know, though, that is is a front and that she's actually a super-secret animal lover.

So, she's been complaining about this squirrel who hides nuts in her yard. She calls him Fatso. (He's fat.) For awhile he had a wife she calls Skinny Bitch. (She's skinny.) Let me tell you, it's hilarious to hear my grandmother say this name every single time. And apparently Skinny Bitch is now out of the picture.


(This is not Fatso. I wish it was.)

Let's keep in mind that I have never, ever seen this squirrel. But now Fatso seems to do somersaults on the lawn. This is a new thing for him and he seems to do it quite frequently. I really, really want to see this.

The other animal story from my grandmother is directly out of a Stephen King novel. She says that a bunch of crows landed in her yard and practiced marching. She swears that they even marched into a circular formation and that a leader would tell the other crows what to do. She said throughout the 20 minutes or so that this happened the leader would periodically change.

Please keep in mind that she did not take a picture of this and my grandpa is blind so he cannot back her up.

She does acknowledge that this sounds crazy.

#2 - Andes mints are a lot better when they are free

We went to Olive Garden for lunch. They give you Andes mints. I love Andes from Olive Garden. I have only purchased them once on my own and they just weren't the same. They're better when they are free.

#3 - Everyone's tired of the sequester

My step-dad works for the Marines. He's a retired Marine and now works as a civilian on base. He is going to have to be furloughed because of the sequester cuts. I asked him if he was upset about having an extra day off. He said no, he was pretty happy about it. I asked him if anyone was upset. He said no. No one he had talked to was upset. He said that people were concerned about where they were going to get the money they needed to cover their bills but that no one was upset about and extra day off. He said that mostly people were just tired of the whole thing.

I think that pretty much sums up the government right now - people are just tired of the whole thing.


So there you have it. There are my stories about this weekend.

They're hiding behind the seconds

I love Neil Gaiman. He's one of the most beautiful writers I have ever experienced.



I also love Evelyn, even though I have never met her. She's one of the most entertaining people I have ever experienced.



So, when Evelyn posted this blog about Neil Gaiman's Calendar of Tales, well, I just had to share it for multiple reasons.

Read it.

http://cheekyginger.com/neil-gaimans-calendar-of-tales-with-added-bonus/#comment-81

Because you do not want to miss out of phrases like, "They're hiding behind the seconds, waiting to get in."

The Oscars

So, the Oscars were last night. I don't actually watch the Oscars (and frankly, I don't really care about them) but I am incredibly opinionated so I thought I should post what did win and what I thought should win here for your reading enjoyment.

http://oscar.go.com/nominees

Best Picture:
Did win - Argo
Should have won - Beasts of the Southern Wild

Reason - Argo has been done a million, bazillion times with other names. And it wasn't even that suspenseful. And the suspense there was, from what I can tell, was fake. I think it won out of some misplaced American pride. Give me a break. BOTSW was beautiful and like nothing that's been done before. Robbed. BOTSW gets my highest compliment I can give a movie, which is, "That movie was stupid." Anything dubbed this way by me is done so because it means I could not stop crying. In this case, I cried for days every time I heard the name of the movie. For that, it should have won.

Best Actor:
Did win - Daniel Day Lewis
Should have won - Denzel Washington

Reason - Daniel Day Lewis was fine but Denzel in Flight. Boy howdy. (Yes, I said boy howdy.) That's an unlikeable character at best and he just made me feel raw emotion. Just because someone was a great president doesn't mean the person playing him should automatically get a shiny gold statue.

Best Actress:
Did win - Jennifer Lawrence
Should have won - Jennifer Lawrence

Reason - I am not a huge JenLaw fan by any means, but come on. She did a great job playing a fairly unbelieveable character. Good job, Academy.

Best Director:
Did win - Ang Lee for Life of Pi
Should have won - Benh Zeitlin for Beasts of the Southern Wild

Reason - Both actors directed fake animals so really, it's easy to compare the two. But Lee had to direct, like, three total people. Zeitlin had no budget and had to direct a bunch of people who had never acted before. Shouldn't that count for extra points? Does Lee get more points because he "directed" something that mostly didn't exist? How is that directing? Nope. Zeitlin should have won hands down.

That's all I'm going to weigh in on because that's all I really care about. I hope you enjoyed my expert review of the 2013 Academy Awards.

I love meat

But I'm a vegetarian. Why, you ask, am I a vegetarian since I love meat so much?

Because I love animals more.

My choice. Deal with it. It's been 13 years so I'm pretty sure nothing you're thinking about saying is going to change my mind.

But I get asked the question ALL of the time, what do I eat.

I also get asked all of the time what brands of fake meat I like since I love meat so much.

So here we go. A handy-dandy guide to Shasta's favorite fake meat so I never, ever have to type this all again.


Chicken:
Anything chicken related, go for Quorn.
http://www.quorn.us/


Beef:
Quorn as well for meatballs.

Best meatball subs ever.

Morningstar Farms makes a good back up option but they just aren't as meat-like.
https://www.morningstarfarms.com/


Morningstar does make the best crumbles, though.


For hamburgers, though, go with Boca.
http://www.bocaburger.com/

All American Flame Grilled are my favorite.


Pork:
Morningstar all the way here. I eat so much Morningstar they should thank me for keeping them in business. (Quorn, too.)

Bacon, sausage, and anything hot dog. I'm not going to post all of the pictures here. But they discontinued the hot dogs for a few years and I was seriously devastated. I also eat BLT's with their bacon about a million times a week.



Deli slices:
This has been the hardest thing for me but I have finally found some good options.

Yves Salami is delicious.
http://www.yvesveggie.com/

They also have a fantastic pepperoni.

And of course, Tofurky. One of the originals and still one of the best. I personally like the peppered.
http://www.tofurky.com/



Etc.:
I have recently tried this new brand, Gardein.
http://www.gardein.com/index.php

I've only had the burger but it was very good.



So that's it. That's what I live on. If I find more or think of more I will keep you updated. Enjoy. And let the little critters live while being healthier at the same time!

To Prius or not to Prius? That is the question.

So, on Tuesday I got in my first car accident. It sucked. I won't get into it here because I've told the story eight million times and I don't want to anymore. But here is my car:

You can't really see it but the whole framework is smashed against my tires. (Sorry folks. I had to crop out the rest so you couldn't see my license plate number and stalk me. Come on. You know you would.)

This was not my fault. Some idiot kid hit me. Ruined my car and gave me whiplash. Awesome.

So I'm waiting to see if my car will be considered totaled or if they are going to fix it. I am trying to prepare for anything.

And I've wanted a Prius forever. There's one problem, though. I HATE Prius drivers. They are some of the worst, most reckless, rude drivers out there. (And before you think, "Well, I drive a Prius and I don't suck," just shut the comment off in your head. I know there are exceptions to every rule.)

So I talked myself into getting a Hyundai Sonata hybrid. Then the whole thing with Hyundai lying about their gas mileage came out. Check that off my list.

I thought about an electric car. Then I thought of all the ways I could get myself in trouble with that. Check that off my list.

Then I get into an accident and it's decided - if I have to get a car I'm getting a Prius.

Then Casey and her boyfriend Brandon come over last night because they want to take care of me and they're awesome. I tell them I'm getting a Prius.

I get a look. And comments about how all Prius drivers suck.

AHHHH!!! I'm back to square one. 

Do I want to be a sucky Prius driver? I'm pretty convinced that I am good driver as I've lived over half my life without an accident and the one I did have was someone else's fault. I don't think suddenly driving a Prius will make me a bad driver.

But Brandon came up with a good point - people buy a Prius because of the status.

Well, here are my reasons:
- I like the Earth and I want to keep it.
- I live VERY far away from work and gas is expensive.
- I live in LA and would be very happy if I could use the carpool lane.

None of those have to do with status. But do I want to be clumped in with a bunch of status-obsessed awful drivers?

Oy. What's a girl to do? 

And who knows if I even have to make this decision!

Accidents are too much stress. 

UPDATE: My car is getting fixed. The question can be shelved indefinitely.

What's with the asteroids??

So, today there was a huge asteroid that flew past the Indian Ocean.

http://cosmiclog.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/02/15/16966984-it-aint-over-yet-watch-asteroid-2012-da14-fade-out-via-streaming-video?lite

And even earlier today a meteor came through the atmosphere in Russia.

http://cosmiclog.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/02/15/16969092-nuclear-like-in-its-intensity-russia-meteor-blast-is-largest-since-1908?lite

Could you imagine seeing something like this? It's crazy!

I wonder if this is going to get the doomsday prophesies started again!

Read it.

I know I just posted about Stephen King.

But if you're interested in some (mostly) rhetoric free commentary on guns, you should read this.

http://www.amazon.com/Guns-Kindle-Single-ebook/dp/B00B53IW9W/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1359415290&sr=8-1&keywords=guns+stephen+king

The culture of Stephen King

I love Stephen King. I have for the majority of my life. So, I've always noticed Stephen King everywhere - Family Guy, the movie Twixt, books, NBC's Revolution. These are just to name a few that popped into my head.

But this weekend it seemed to get a little ridiculous. Here's what happened.

Saturday - I was getting ready to go camping and my neighbor came over to get cat feeding instructions. She said, "Did you hear Cujo bit some dude on his face?" Cujo is her nickname for Britney, the awful rescue dog we have in our complex through our animal hoarding neighbor. She's called Britney Cujo for some time now so I thought nothing of it.

But then....

Sunday - I'm camping and in my tent getting ready for a hike. I hear a boy talking to someone else. It's muffled at first because he's riding his bike past my tent. "....yeah, I've read his entire Dark Tower series, and the Shinning, and......" He rode away. But I think, dang, that's the second time in two days.

And then.....

Monday - I get home from camping and my two neighbors are in the garage, talking. One has some old, red car that's falling apart that he loves. Her name is Sophia. I mention I did not know that she had a name. Other neighbor says, "He should call her Christine."

So that's that. Three in three days.

But then I start to think, how crazy would it be to be SO famous and influential that you and your work become the verbiage of the culture? I was wracking my brains trying to think of someone else who has had this type of influence, who has become a part of the lexicon, of the fabric of society. I mean, yes, you sometimes hear someone call a whale Moby Dick. Or a dolphin Flipper, or a horse Black Beauty. 

But who else is not only has work that is re-used and adapted but his own name as well?

Could you even imagine? I couldn't. No way.